James Runcie’s wife Marilyn Imrie died in August 2020. Their 35 year marriage had been miraculously happy – until, in the last two years of Marilyn’s life, she descended into the pain and humiliation of motor neurone disease. In the wake of her death, Runcie stumbled in the dark. How do you make sense of the decline and death of the most alive person you have ever met? And how do you go about building a life worth living in their absence? In this book, Runcie tells the story of Marilyn’s illness and death – in all its moments of tragedy, rage, farce and surrealness – while painting a vivid portrait of her life and their marriage: a partnership defined by a shared love of beauty, conviviality and storytelling. And during that first year of loss, he awakens to the strange paradox of grief: that the way to survive Marilyn’s death is to understand how very good she was at living.